UAS Has Reached Pandemic Proportions.
Studies have shown that playing the ukulele dramatically increases the risk of UAS, or Ukulele Acquisition Syndrome.
UAS manifests itself in the insatiable need to own “just one more” ukulele. Here is a photograph of the viral capsid of this insidious disease. The UAS virion is similar in appearance to that of Guitar Acquisition Syndrome (GAS). It is however, smaller and carries two less strands of viral RNA. Despite similarities, sufferers of UAS are quick to point out that UAS is not merely a smaller version of GAS.
Symptoms of UAS infection include:
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Playing the ukulele
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Continuing to play the ukulele even after being asked to stop
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Searching Google for the term “ukulele” more than once per hour
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Saying:
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“I’m only going to buy this one, and maybe one more, then I’m done…” or “I need one of these because it has a different tuning/headstock/wood grain pattern than my others…”
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“The ukulele itself is not an illness, it’s a… necessity.”
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“My name is _____, and I am a uke-aholic.”
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“I just ordered another uke – please stop me before I do it again!”
Although the symptoms of UAS can be moderated in some cases, through the application of strings, tuners, or other ukulele accessories, there is no cure.
Strategies for Dealing With UAS
Strategies include:
Become defensive or indignant. When someone questions your obsession. –
Respond with:
“How dare you trivialize my condition”?
“Thousands of people go through the same symptoms and believe it or not, it hurts.”
Get involved with a ukulele club.
Try to spread the UAS virus to as many people as you can so that they won’t look at you funny or make your credit card mysteriously disappear, and most importantly, feed the addiction. Remember, Ukuleles are cheaper than therapy.
Buy a new ukulele.
Contact the Ukulele Psychologist. It’s free. Click here.
The more UAS sufferers, the better. This way, your significant other won’t think you’re an isolated case; you can tell him or her that you’re just one of many who can’t stop.